Next older person to complain about millennials has to pay off a random 20-something’s student loans
Funny you should ask! I’ll let you in on my origin story if you like?
Well, once upon a time I was your average, man-loving, non-opinionated, quiet, submissive, totally sexually available young woman. I loved the dudes. I can’t tell you how much I worshipped those blokes. I couldn’t even open a jar back then. Ah, the memories. I shied from the colour blue. I refused to step into a room that contained power tools. Football frightened me into week long seclusions. Don’t get me started on the horror beer brought on.
And then, one night, I left my window open. It was hot, y’know? I probably shouldn’t have done it.
But in flew the Misandry Fairy. She was magnificent. As she fluttered into my room she left a trail of glittering misogynist tears that sparkled like diamonds. She wore blood red especially smeary lipstick, the type that scares guys and makes them afraid of kissing you, to ward them off. She had beautifully hairy legs, hairy arms, and wore high waisted shorts (which we all know is the 2014 trend men hate). It wasn’t 2014 at the time, you understand, but she’s a fairy so I assume she looked into the future to find inspiration for her particular misandric look. She was also a lesbian. Because we all know how those lesbians hate men, right?
"Claudia," she said to me. "It’s time to face your destiny. Inside of you is a burning misandric rage unlike anything the world has ever seen. When you wake up tomorrow, I want you opening jars left right and centre. Open so many jars that the men get jealous. Open so many jars that you and everyone around you are in danger of drowning in the contents. Keep on opening them. No matter what. Never give up."
I was so shocked that I did not answer. It was the middle of the night and I was unaccustomed to being visited by such wise and noble beings.
Before she left, she turned around in the air, her fluttering rainbow wings shining in the moonlight, and whispered: “Also, you’re queer. The Coming Out fairy was busy so I took his shift. Have a nice day.”
The next morning I awoke and began to carry out my purpose. From that day on, men have trembled to see me. Occasionally they whimper “don’t let her near any jars for the love of God”, but most of the time they merely scatter as I enter any vicinity I please.
I owe her everything. Without her, I would not be the woman I am today.
This story is 100% true. You can quote me on it and everything. Never let anyone tell you fairies don’t exist. They do. And they’re raging misandrists.
The people in Gaza are living through yet another Israeli assault, the third such assault in six years, with nowhere to flee. As missiles hit civilian houses, entire families are obliterated. How else could one possibly characterize the killing of twenty-five members from one family in one strike, or the killing of another eighteen members from another family in just another strike? How can one describe the arbitrary and indiscriminate shelling of one of the most crowded and impoverished areas in Gaza City with endless barrages of missiles and mortar shells all night long while preventing ambulances and civil defense forces from entering the area to rescue and evacuate the victims?
We don’t target civilians,” Israel tells us. “You’re simply lying” should be a sane person’s response to these, at best, baseless claims. Israel does target civilians with its sophisticated high-precision weapons, hence the over 1,000 [1,437 on July 31] deaths in Gaza so far, 80 percent of whom are civilians, according to human rights groups. Over 200 children have been killed, some charred, others decapitated and many disemboweled. Israeli warships have killed four young children from Bakr family playing on the beach in broad daylight, an incident witnessed by NBC’s reporter in Gaza Ayman Mohyedin. A sniper killed a distressed young man looking for his lost cousin amongst the debris in the wake of its unspeakable massacre in Al Shujayeh.
Its unmanned drones killed two young brothers from Areef family with a missile while they were on their way to buy yogurt for their breakfast. In another incident, it fired missiles at and killed three children feeding their pigeons and chickens on the roof of their building. Israel has dropped thousands of tons of explosives on one of the world’s most densely populated areas, killing 26 members from Abu Jame’ family in one airstrike, 20 members from Al Najjar family, 18 from Al Batsh family, nine from Al Qassas family, 7 from Al Keilani family, 8 from Kaware’ family, five from Hamad family and on and on. These are the stories we hear as we wait death in the comfort of our home.
A ceasefire might be negotiated and agreed upon. Hamas might soon stop firing rockets, but then will Israel cease to exercise its violence against Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank on a daily basis? The reality is that if Palestinians stop resisting, Israel won’t stop occupying, as its leaders repeatedly affirm. The besieged Jews of the Warsaw ghetto had a motto “to live and die in dignity.” As I sit in my own besieged ghetto, I think how Palestinians have honored this universal value. We live in dignity and we die in dignity, refusing to accept subjugation.
We’re tired of war. I, for one, have had enough of bloodshed, death and destruction. But I also can no longer tolerate the return to a deeply unjust status quo. I can no longer agree to live in this open-air prison. We can no longer tolerate to be treated as sub-humans, deprived of our most basic human rights. We are trapped here, trapped between two deaths: death by Israeli bombs and missiles, and death by Israel’s blockade of Gaza.
We want to be able to get in and out of Gaza freely, whenever we choose. Why should our students not be granted their right to study at universities of their own choice? Why should our patients be left for their own death as Israel deprives them of receiving medical treatment in hospitals outside of Gaza? Our fishermen want to fish in our sea waters without the prospect of being shot at and killed. We deserve the right to access clean water, electricity and our most basic needs. And yet we can’t because Israel occupies. It occupies not only our land but our bodies and our destinies. No people can tolerate this injustice. We, too, are humans.” —
The Huffington Post op-ed. July 28th, 2014.
Amanda convinces Sarek to try to connect with their son on a more human level
"Father, I’m home."
"Hello home, I am father."
and he and Spock just stare at each other for like a full minute and then Sarek is like “it was your mother’s idea” and Spock just nods awkwardly and escapes to his room and they never speak of it again